7.16.2012

Sexy Tip 002: Don't Compare Yourself to Others

Ladies,

I stumbled across this video today.



I had to share it with you. One of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES is when women degrade THEMSELVES. Watching this video, I think we can all agree that the women in it are beautiful, can't we? I mean beautiful; not just above average, but truly stunning.  And yet....and yet, they sit there, unable to think of something they actually like about their appearance. Ask them what they don't like, though, and they'll go on and on.

Ladies, this is something we ALL struggle with. Maybe you're a curvy gal and you find yourself particularly offended when a thin girl says she hates something about her appearance. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, though. You ready? I'm going to be saying this a lot:

If you feel like you can't be beautiful until you look like ________, you will always feel that way, whether you are a size 2 or a size 20.

Were you paying attention? Here it is again:

If you feel like you can't be beautiful until you look like ________, you will always feel that way, whether you are a size 2 or a size 20.

Good, just so we're clear.

I generally get one of two reactions when I tell people that I'm The Sexy Knitter. Either they 1) look  me up and down to size me up, or 2) giggle from embarrassment and say something like, "Oh, I won't ask you why you came up with that."

So, let me tell you a little bit more about why I came up with it.

Three years ago, I auditioned to become an NFL cheerleader. I went to the gym for an hour every day for months. I allowed myself only what food that was on the meal plan my personal trainer gave me.

Here's me on audition day:

When this photo was taken, I was a size 0. I had dropped 15 pounds from my pre-audition self. Five inches had come off my waistline; 4 off my hips. I had the smallest percentage of body fat I've probably ever had in my life. Do you know what happened to me that day? I got sent straight home. I mean, the first time they had an opportunity to send girls home, I was packing my things. Now, this was done in the most kind way it could possibly have been done; in fact, my whole audition experience was shockingly respectful. I sort of expected to be treated like shit, you know? Like that show about the Dallas Cowboy's cheerleaders? It wasn't like that at all, even one bit. When callbacks were announced during auditions, we were all genuinely thanked for coming, reassured that we were the most beautiful women they'd ever seen, and convinced that the judges had struggled more than ever before over which girls to cut. This speech was given with such kindness of spirit that to this day I believe its authenticity. In fact, on the way out, one of the judges approached ME and gave me a sweet hug, looked into my eyes, and said "I'm SO surprised at some of the girls who were chosen to get sent home. You did great today."


Now, with all of that, you'd think I'd be walking home with my head held high, right? I mean, after all - I was in the best shape of my life, right? The standard of "NFL cheerleader" isn't exactly one that I'm expected to live up to anyway, right?

Wrong.

I was...pretty crushed, actually. I'll even go so far as to admit that I've passed up several opportunities THIS YEAR to attend NFL games because seeing the cheerleaders on the field still makes me feel bad about myself. They are the standard I'll never live up to. Now, you can say that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard of, and maybe you're right. But that's not the point! The point is (did we forget) if you feel like you can't be beautiful until you look like ________, you will always feel that way, whether you are a size 2 or a size 20. Because when you've trained yourself to reach towards an impossible standard, you'll always be able to find a new one, and they will get more and more ridiculous. Take this girl, for instance:


This is Isabelle Caro; she was a professional model (who, coincidentally, was born exactly four days after myself). I say "was" because she is now dead. She died from anorexia at the age of 28, because you know what she saw when she looked at photos like that one up there? She saw someone who wasn't measuring up to the models around her. So she stopped eating, and eventually went from the body pictured above (which, as you can tell, was already suffering from the disease) to this, then this, then on down the scale until her body simply could not support itself anymore. She eventually posed for an anti-anorexia ad campaign before her death, but it was too late. Girls, that just makes me sad.

Stop hating yourself, and stop comparing yourself to someone else. That's step number one. Get that right before you move on to anything else. Sure, you may want (or even need, for health reasons) to lose a few pounds. Maybe it's time for a new haircut. But you are you. There is only one you. No one else in the world was meant to look like you (and you are certainly not meant to look like anyone else), to live your life and see things through your eyes. That is a good thing. Be you. Be fabulous. Be unique.

50 comments:

  1. I needed to hear this today. Thanks!

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  2. I think girls (well, probably guys too) feel really awkward complimenting themselves. We've taken to heart the idea that you shouldn't "brag".....but of course, insulting yourself is practically a bonding activity "Oh look how modest I am!"

    It's kinda this dynamic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqqkeH5sEX4

    It's all very weird and it's hard not to play into it - I know that I've been made to feel bad in situations where the people around me are complaining about their weight. Socially, the expectation is for me to jump in and complain too, but I'm a) undeniably scrawny and b) content with it, so there is really nothing I can say in that situation without sounding like an asshole (besides "naw, you look great!") There's a legitimate pressure to find something wrong with yourself so you won't seem stuck up, and it's ucky.

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    1. You've hit the nail on the head with this one. I hate that it's "cool" and "normal" to hate on your body in public. This behavior is actually ENCOURAGED, and it makes me sick. If you hear something often enough, you start believing it. So if all you ever hear is negative things, eventually you're going to start feeling genuinely bad about yourself. Why are we doing that to ourselves? Not okay. It needs to end.

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    2. I know when I say, "Damn, my arms are looking so fine today"" my friends in college would lament about how theirs are flabby and I'm just a "skinny bitch" any way. I shouldn't have been working out because I was already thin. This mentality that thin women are the "enemy" is also stupid and damaging.

      Don't get me started on the girls that look at me sideways because I like to lift weights.

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    3. I think people would be surprised how much vitriol skinny girls get just for being skinny. People who would NEVER make a comment about someone being overweight don't even blink at making comments about thin folks. I've been accused of anorexia in a tone of voice that would be more appropriate to "you just stabbed my kitten with a fondue fork!" (and then of course instructed to "eat a sandwich" because last I checked, anorexia was totally an easily-cured personality flaw and not a serious mental illness.)

      Thankfully I've always had a healthy relationship with food (ok, I did eat four Oreo Cakesters in a three hour period today, and then I had waffles for dinner, but let's ignore that) but seriously, I can't believe people think it's ok to talk that way to people about their bodies, ESPECIALLY if you don't know whether or not they have an illness. Boundaries, people.

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    4. I hate that loathing your body has become the standard. A group of girls I was hanging out with when I was a freshman in college were talking about how bad they look in high waisted jeans and I commented that I like them because they're flattering on me. I got a snarky reply, "Way to be modest, Andi." It was like in their mind, the only appropriate response I could have had was one that was critical of myself. It was ridiculous!

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    5. How dare your body be flattered by something different than theirs! ;-P

      (Now me, I like 'em on other people, but I just can't get used to the feeling that my waist is being strangled.)

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  3. Also, while I think you would've been a damn fine cheerleader, your current job is way cooler ;-) But I might be biased.

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  4. You're being a damn fine cheerleader for the rest of us right now! Thanks.

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  5. Thanks for this post! There is nothing more to add...

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  6. It would seem like maybe you should have some introspection and self reflection. Look at the banner on your page here. Aren't you perpetuating the very ideal you are complaining about? And more to the point, I've heard you be verbally critical of those who have knitted your designs and critical in a way that was based upon their size. You are a creative designer, just not the spokesperson for the gender.

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    1. Ah, I am so glad you spoke up! Welcome. :)

      I am all about helping women find their own sexy, whatever that may be. What I mean by "sexy" is the thing that makes you feel beautiful and confident when you look in the mirror and go out to interact with other people in the world. I believe that EVERY woman deserves this right, whether she be skinny or large, old or young. I do not believe I am perpetuating any particular ideal, even though I myself happen to be (fairly) skinny and (currently) young. :) It has taken me my entire life to find my own sexy, after an abusive childhood and several particularly traumatic puberty and high school experiences, not to mention the cheerleading debacle. I assure you there are still many days when I look in the mirror and am tempted to compare myself with someone else. These posts are being written because of my own personal struggles with these problems, not because I've got it all figured out. :)

      Everyone's "sexy" will be different! Some will find their confidence dressed in mom jeans and a t-shirt; for others, a business suit and perfectly sleek bun. Still others will find their confidence in yoga pants, or long skirts and covered hair. For me, I tend to feel more confident and positive about myself when I get a little glammed up. Wearing makeup and having personal style was not something I was afforded as a child or a teen, and I really enjoy those things now. Not only is it what makes me feel confident, but it also happens to be the thing that perfectly encapsulates my personality. The big hair, eye makeup and heels aren't something I put on for professional shows and photo shoots; I dress like this every day. That's my sexy, and it's also part of who I am. The long-legged gal in the banner is an exaggeration of these characteristics, of course, but let me be perfectly clear:

      I would never attempt to tell another woman that she needs to have my style of sexy to be sexy.

      There are several people in the knitting community saying they've heard me say negative things which I absolutely have not ever said. If you've heard these stories secondhand I maintain that they are flat out lies. If, however, you feel that you've personally heard me say something rude about another woman, I invite you to email me privately so that I can try to make that right with you. It's certainly not my intention to alienate anyone here, and perhaps I genuinely need to make amends in some way for a past offense. I would love that opportunity with you or any other person who has a personal grievance against me, so I hope you will consider it. :)

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    2. I don't think you have to be a spokesperson for the gender to say "Hey, don't degrade yourself." Sarah's version of sexy may be similar to the mainstream, but perhaps that's the point- if even gorgeous size 0's have doubts and insecurities about the way they look, then maybe there's no point in dwelling on the fact that you don't look like that ideal. If even a once-stunning model can feel so unhappy with her appearance that she literally starves herself to death, maybe assuming that you will feel beautiful when you are "model-thin" is fallacious. I think Sarah's point is that no matter what you look like, you can either find flaws with your appearance or you can embrace what's good and learn to love yourself and feel sexy as you are.

      And I definitely agree that the culture of "Oh I'm so fat!" "You are not, my nose is huge!" "Well my arms are funny shaped!" female interaction has worn out it's welcome. You don't see dudes hanging around nitpicking their appearances as a social activity.

      As for Sarah making rude comments, obviously I don't KNOW anything for sure, but in the time I've spent with Sarah I've never heard her make an unkind remark about anyone's appearance, and that sounds very out of character to me.

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  7. Amen Sarah! You've always been so positive and supportive and joyful and I appreciate this reminder. I'm a "curvy" girl bit I'm sexy as heck. :) Sexy has nothing to do with size. You rock!!! Hugs!!

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  8. Great post Sarah! I have always felt that yes, you are good looking, but the Sexy Knitter "brand" is about more than that. Its about feeling good about yourself and knowing how to knit to flatter your shape- whatever that shape is. It drives me insane when people say bad things about themselves, especially when comparing themselves to others. If you have to compare, compare yourself to yourself. As in- "Back when I was going to the gym regularly I had killed calves...I should probably start going again" or "I felt a lot prettier with a pixie hair cut, maybe I should try that style again"

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  9. What is the everloving obsession with everything being sexy? There is so much value in so many things that have NOTHING to do with sex or body appearance. Maybe if you learned to not care about the thunder thighs and recognize that art and craft doesn't solely exist to showcase your body you'll stop selling your self-esteem for the low, low price of physical admiration. This constant need to turn everything into "sexy" is what's damaging the little girls of our culture.

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    1. You do realize that you're commenting on a blog called "The Sexy Knitter", right? I would say "feeling sexy" is topical in this environment ;-)

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    2. Anon, I totally agree. Our culture is obsessed with this word! That's why I'm reclaiming it for women everywhere. When I use the word "sexy" here, it refers to the things that make us feel happy and confident, because what's more appealing than a happy, confident woman? Nothing. I go into much greater detail about this idea in my podcast interview with Marly Bird, which I've linked to from my "About Me" page. Would love it if you gave that a listen!

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  10. You're not reclaiming it when you continually revert to how it relates to physical appearance. The entire persona, beyond trying way too hard, continually reinforces shallow values. Look at the image in your header for the clue you are missing.

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    1. I am sorry you feel that way! My goal is to encourage women, not tear them down. It can be difficult to encapsulate the entire idea in one blog post, which is why I talk about this a lot. I'd encourage you to check out my "About Me" page for expansions on these themes, and revisit often because this is a journey! As to my logo, please see my reply to the commenter above. :)

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    2. Only when girls-and all people-are valued for their actions instead of their sex appeal will any progress be made. All you're doing is changing the color of the duct tape that holds women in bondage to the mirror.

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    3. The only posts I've ever seen on here that relate to appearance talk about feeling comfortable and attractive in your own skin. I have a very hard time finding fault in that concept. This is not a beauty blog trying to tell you how you should look or pummeling you with make-up tips and ways to "lose your belly in 7 days!"

      The rest talk about knitting and creating, which, last I checked, was a pretty cool "action".

      It seems to me you're just finding fault in the whole idea of "sexy"....and again, you do realize you're on a site called "The Sexy Knitter", right? If the word "sexy" bothers you, it may behoove you to check out one of the other several-hundred-million websites out there instead of this one.

      And also, I will say this because I know Sarah is far too polite and professional to do so (a condition from which I do not personally suffer): posting anonymously to tear others down is cowardly. Cowgirl up and stand behind your beliefs.

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  11. Thank you Thank you for this most timely post. I am making this my weight watchers mantra.
    Big Love from a Canadian

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  12. Wow, the brave, nameless "anonymous" seems determined to take you down today! Funny that trolls find their way even into knitting blogs. In any case, I fully support your attempt to empower women and recognize that that is your intended goal, whether others feel it's working or not. Thanks for the effort; if enough people try maybe we'll actually make a difference!

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  13. Amen. Do it for the right reasons if you are working on making changes.

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  14. The anons above keep talking about how women shouldn't be judged by how they look. While I agree with that, I think they're missing a big point about human nature. We all look in the mirror (yes, even apes do this!) and we see other people day to day.

    Part of our self esteem comes from HOW we look. I don't want to be judged about the shape of my nose, per se, but part of having self esteem is taking care of yourself. That's why a big sign of a mental illness like depression is when people STOP caring for themselves. Think about how better you feel when you finally shower and brush your hair after a bad weekend.

    I think what Sarah's been trying to say is that we need to take care of our bodies and love our selves not matter what shape or size we come in.

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  15. I have to agree that if you're going to attack someone you should have the balls (or, um boobs?) to not hide behind a cowardly "anonymous". Especially if you're going to make the claim, "I've heard you be verbally critical of those who have knitted your designs and critical in a way that was based upon their size."

    Aside from that, I can't agree with a school of thought that says that giving any attention to how you look makes you shallow. Also, Sarah's whole point is acceptance of yourself, which I think is at the core of most women's struggles with "sexiness". We have bodies, we have eyes, appearances will always be part of who we are. Pretending appearances don't matter won't solve the problem, realizing that there is no One Perfect Way to Look, but that there are as many different ways to be fabulous as there are people in the world will.

    The word, "sexy" draws us in because, let's face it, we all want to feel sexy. It should be refreshing to find that this blog is not about changing how you look, but about looking in the mirror, loving the way you look, and treating yourself well so you can love the way you look even more. Not because you've changed it, but because you've found a great knitting pattern that shows off your smokin' rack, or luscious rear, or your tiny waist, or how you can make something amazing with your fingers some sticks and some string.

    I frequently struggle with disliking, even despising the way I look. No one comes to my rescue as enthusiastically as Sarah, whether it's to tell me that I'm already friggin' hot, or encourage me when I want help sticking to an exercise plan. I think you're awesome, Sarah, and you're doing you're best to be a positive force in a very negative world. If people choose to willfully misunderstand or misrepresent what you're trying to say, shrug it off. Mwah!

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  16. Just throwing in my two cents that guys also make an effort to appear "sexy" and compare themselves to others, and it's not always about having more muscle, either. It's more universal than some people seem to think, but you're right - there's nothing sexier than being yourself.

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  17. I was following your tweet comments to some other knitters about the anonymous comments here and just had to comment myself. While your message here is obviously a great one - being true to yourself and comfortable and confident in who you are is what every person should strive for, I think what people are struggling with is your own struggle. Not comparing yourself to others is hard. Your logo shows an exaggeratedly skinny female form next to the words The Sexy Knitter. You also indicate in your post that you still won't go to NFL games because cheerleaders still make you feel bad about yourself - because you are comparing yourself to them. You are struggling with this concept like we are all struggling with it.

    Being confident is hard all the time, no matter what you look like. So when people read this post, with so many absolutes in it, it's easy to pick it apart to prove that you are struggling with this just like we all are.

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    1. I make no secret of the fact that this is a daily struggle for me; sharing my personal experiences is something that draws a lot of people in and keeps me honest. The logo up top there is a fashion rendering of myself; I don't believe it is a conflict of interest. Obviously the leg length has been quite exaggerated, which as pointed out by other commenters several times before is not only common to fashion sketches but a signature of this artist. Is the fact that I am thin and struggling with these issues an offensive idea? These are things every woman struggles with. Hating your body has nothing to do with the size you happen to be, it has everything to do with what influences you are listening to. I've had some extremely negative ones in my life (including my own mother as a child and teen), and continue to have them today. I'm here to provide a positive voice for not only other women but also myself, and to encourage women to become their own positive voice as well. :)

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  18. I find it sadder when women like you, Sexy Knitter, have their ego wrapped up in the way they look.

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  19. "Look. At the Elms Retreat, you called out another knitter for having the temerity to knit one of your designs while being 'so fat'. You continued to mock her choice in yarn, and basically made fun of her. The person who heard you? Is not only her friend, but is someone who has the highest ethics and discipline, and still goes into a rage when she recalls the incident. This was at a time before you manufactured yourself into this "new persona" and as much as you want to pretend it didn't happen, it showed an attitude that was most definitely 'unsexy', among other things.

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    1. Again, I maintain that this "story" is an outright lie. It is clear that you did not hear this happen firsthand. I will again invite you to make yourself known to me personally through an email so that we can work out our differences. My email is sarah@sexyknitter.com and I am happy to deal with you one on one but I am unwilling to allow you to continue posting libelous accusations in this space.

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  20. This post and others like it remind me what I do not purchase your designs. The narrow emphasis on a shallow sexiness and self- obsession leave me unable to judge your designs on merit alone.

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    1. Hi Emily! Thank you for being honest. I am sorry you feel that way but you must do what you feel is right. My message to women is to toss out the load of malarkey that the media constantly feeds us about how we need to look like such-and-so to feel happy with ourselves; I see this as a positive message, not a shallow one. :)

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    2. I think that you are misinterpreting this post if what you got out of it was shallowness and self-obsession. Whether or not they like to admit it, just about everyone thinks about their appearance, and women especially are socially conditioned to pick themselves apart. All this post is saying is that, as hard as it is, you will feel better if you don't do that.

      As far as "other posts like it", all I can find is some advice on buying/knitting the right size to fit your body and, I suppose, a post that says "yay look new glasses." I think some of you are extrapolating something from the title "The Sexy Knitter" that is just not there.

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  21. I will make no secret that Sarah is an old friend. I will also make no secret that she is one of the kindest, most generous people I know. I have never heard her make disparaging comments regarding anyone's weight or size, and for the record, I am a medium-sized woman who is about thirty pounds overweight with massive boobs. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

    If I had a personal issue with Sarah, her "personna," which is an odd choice of words since she's pretty much as genuine as the rest of the people I meet....I would PM her privately and let her know. I honestly thought the days of Internet flame wars were over, but that shows you how much things never change.

    The logo Sarah's using is a design from an illustrator who makes all her fashion illustrations exagerrated. Much like a caricature. That's it, people. Someone else's artistic rendering. What's to get het up over?

    What concerns me more is that we as women love to tear each other down, instead of building each other up. Which is why I prefer to have men for friends - I find them straight-forward and refreshing. Body image is a loaded topic, but whenever any of us talk about it, we are speaking of our own struggle and trying to make sense of it.

    Again, I find it sad that people are even attacking one woman instead of focussing on some of the larger topics of the day. But hey, that's just me. I am confident in my self and have other, more important daily issues to worry about, like when my fricking dryer is going to get fixed.

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  22. To offer a different perspective: Let's put "sexy" away for a minute, shall we? I'd like to see more confidence among women about our ABILITIES, not just our appearances. Think for a moment about some amazing women who are actually changing the world, perhaps Madeline Albright. Hilary Clinton (love her or hate her). Patti Smith. Add your own example. Do they stay up at night being self-critical about their appearance? Probably not. They probably stay up at night worrying about much, much larger things.

    Women, let's get out there and take charge. Speak up at work. Don't apologize. Perhaps putting your mirrors away for a month will help.

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  23. @tanyadiva: Did you actually state women should be supportive and not tear each other down yet you don't want to be friends with women? Let me go read it again. Yep, pretty much what you posted.

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  24. Oh, anonymous, as my mama always said, "bitches be crazy." And you know, my mama is pretty sexy. I said it, yet I also said Sarah is a friend of mine, so clearly, I have female friends. I just prefer the well-adjusted type.

    If you want to have the last word, have at it. It clearly feeds your soul.

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  25. hhhmmm thought I commented and don't know what happened to it. Anyway, it went something like this. Embracing how you're made, both inside and out is crucial to offering the best you have to the world. Finding peace, acceptance and ultimately purpose is what I take away from Sarah's message. I happened to have known her for 12 years and KNOW she has a beautiful warm heart. Keep carrying your message Sarah, I love you!

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  26. By most accounts I am a successful woman. I own and operate my creative business and I have been the breadwinner for nearly all of my married life. But after reading all the comments and the ensuing kerffufle, I find I need to speak up. I'm not making any broad generalizations, or taking a stand one way or another, but i think I need to share my personal experience.

    I have never felt I was good enough. Never good enough at math, never good enough at drawing and painting, never good enouggh with the violin, and never pretty enough for someone to love me. Until the 18 months I had such a distorted body image that I would look in the mirror and see only flaws and never what was actually there. Until I started loosing weight for health reasons and tracking my progress and measurements I could lie to myself about them. But when I started actually taking measurements I couldn't lie about the results, which gave way to grudging acceptance of my body and has, within just the last few weeks, morphed into love and kindness toward the way I look.

    Even though I am 8 lbs heavier than my low weight loss point, I find I can look at myself in a mirror and see a beautiful person or the first time in my 30 years on this earth.

    Being successful, strong willed, and independent does not equal feeling sexy or beautiful. While sometimes one is tied up in the other, they are both valid aspects of being a human being. Everyone needs to feel wanted and loved for both their physical selves and their mental abilities. It's about balance. To me (and I think to Sarah as well), "sexy" is not about wanting men to jump you on the street or trying to be a pinup model, but to feel like you are wanted and loved as you are, and a lot of that is about what you project. If you feel good about your body and your whole self, other people will feel good too.

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    1. Miriam, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story! I am so happy for you that you've reached a point in your life where you can see yourself the way the rest of us were already seeing you - beautiful, inside and out. Your thoughts are right on track with what I'm trying to convey. In fact, this idea of "sexy" not having anything to do with "sex" is something I went into detail about in my podcast chat with Marly Bird. (Which I still encourage folks interested in hearing more to listen to; it can be found on my "About Me" page.)

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Thanks so much for offering this story. What makes you a sexy knitter is your attitude.

    It reminds me of a show on hulu "How To Look Good Naked" the ladies on the show don't really change that much physically, but their attitudes change. They begin the show with fear and a self-critical attitude and finish the show with confidence and loving there bodies...including their "wobbly" parts.

    Thanks again for your story and keep on being "Sexy" you Sexy lil Knitter.

    Johnny Skein

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  29. I'm a little late, but thank you for this post!

    I am thin, and for most of my life I was underweight. I'm sick of being told that I "don't need to workout". Um, hi, I have high cholesterol, yeah, I'm pretty sure I DO need to work out to keep that under control. And I need to eat right, too (not that I eat perfectly! or workout every day...oops!), for my HEALTH. Plus, working out and eating a generally healthy diet makes me feel good! Why wouldn't I?

    I am lucky that I am at a point in my life when I feel good about myself more days than I feel bad about myself, but that wasn't always the case.

    I'm really glad I was a teenager before the days of Facebook and these "since when did X become hotter than Y" memes, because I think they would have been really damaging for me back then. Now, they just irritate me, but I worry about the girls and women I know who already feel bad about themselves on a regular basis.

    We need more positive messages like this "Be you. Be Fabulous. Be Unique"! Thanks :)

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  30. Sarah, I must say your class in dealing with this ridiculous bullying is part of what makes you a SEXY woman. Don't back down and don't change because of stupid female backstabbing, high school games. You rock and you inspire millions of SEXY women across the country! Keep up the awesome message and SEXY ON!

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  31. I'm late to the party, again, but this was a damned good post, and damned good reactions to the troll(s). I'm really glad that yours is one of the knitting blogs I read (ir)regularly.

    And I have to say that I bet Madeline Albright, Hilary Clinton, and Patti Smith have all had their "Oh, gawd, I'm ugly" days.

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  32. Way late to the party but there are frankly some people that aren't sexy. Period. And if you happen to be one of those people, you know it. Pretty girls who feel unsexy sometimes I don't think really get it. I mean you all believe that those women are wrong about what they're saying, but what about if you (or the average person, or the average man) actually agreed with them? I'm not the ugliest person in the universe, but sexy is something I've never had. I can say magic empowering words about how wonderful I am all day long, but that doesn't actually alter my reality. We all know deep down when were lying about ourselves. And sexy doesn't last forever anyway, something that those of us who are older than you know all too well.

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  33. Sarah, you are truly an amazing person. People should not be concerned with comparing themselves to others in how they look or degrading themselves because they dont look a certain way. I completely agree with your post. Our society has become more concerned with body image then being happy with who they are. Being sexy is not about being a certain size or looking a certain way. Being sexy is about being happy and content with your body type, and how you feel about yourself, as opposed to what others think of you or what others think you should look like.

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